How to fail at fashion and life without even trying

I gave an impromptu speech and nearly died and my outfit sucked. Plus I hung out with Lena Dunham-sorta.

I’m a smart person. I could tell you how to calculate the Elasticity of Demand (%change of Q/ %change of P) or translate a conversation from French to English or explain the Theory of Evolution, even write a 10 page paper on British History in less than 24 hours.

One thing I can’t do is give an impromptu speech.

Yes, I had to preform a impromptu speech in my Public Speaking class today and- you guessed it- it went terribly!*

To be honest, I was not nervous. I felt peachy, confident and ready to go. I delivered the first part of my speech with poise and fabulousity- but just as I was about to deliver my thesis, I froze.

It wasn’t my mind that froze, it was my body. I forgot how to breath. I was a fish out of water- literally.

I started gasping for air, and out of pure foolishness continued to give my speech.

I sounded like a walrus with chronic asthma, chocking on my own spit. I could feel the sweat oozing down my back. At one point I glanced at the fire alarm and thought about holding that puppy down and making a run for it.

To be honest, I even thought about breaking into song and dance- giving my classmates a taste of Beyonce-Shakira circa 2005. Instead, I went along, gasping for breath.

I felt terrible after my speech, sulking in self disappointment the whole drive home. Feeling the need to describe my public humiliation to someone, I tried to text my friend Kristen.

Lo and Behold, as I open my phone I see the LAST thing I want to see:  A PHOTOGRAPH- ACTUALLY 3 PHOTOGRAPHS- OF ME GIVING MY SPEECH!**

I was mortified. If there is one thing I know, it’ fashion. However, as I looked at the photos, I realized that maybe I’ve been relying on my day-to-day college ensemble of a cardigans and cargo pants for way too long.

Not only had I lost all control of my voice ( and at one point, almost my bowels), I had lost all fashion sense as well.

In an attempt to relieve myself of self-disappointment, about 40 minuted ago I stuffed my face with a variety of chocolates and turned on some self-deprecating music .  Then I grabbed the February issue of Vogue and mourned over the loss of my dignity with my BFF Lena Dunham.

All I can say is that Lena is a very good listener. She likes to cheer me up by wearing birds on her head and saying quote like that ^.

The bright advertisements also helped brighten my spirits. I think it’s safe to say that this is  one of Vogue’s best advertisement issues. And this is a very big and carefully thought-out statement seeing as that half of the magazine is Lancome and Prada advertisements.

Well, I hope my hot mess of a day cheers you up. I also hope you took notes on how NOT to be like me- how not to fail at fashion and life without even trying.

Hey, at least my hair looked good.


* An impromptu speech is a speech you give on the spot. I had no idea what I was going to talk about until 2 min before I actually did it. The you have those 2 minutes to prepare your speech.

** We had to have a classmate record our speech for future references and self assessments.


6 thoughts on “How to fail at fashion and life without even trying

  1. This is my favorite post ever. And not cause you fucked up. Though it makes me feel a bit better about my day. You’re my favorite. Okay byeeeee

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