How A trip to the Courtesy Diner made me write this totally personal and semi-philosophical post.
A few nights ago my friends invited me to the Courtesy Diner for dinner. If you know me, then you know I like dinner: it’s the third best meal of the day!However, I felt a little hesitant seeing as that I had already eaten.
I went anyway.
I ordered a chocolate shake to the dislike of our sarcastic waiter. I drank half of the shake which tasted as good as a $2 shake could taste.
However, the whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth.
Why did I order the shake? I thought.
A few weeks ago I had promised myself that I would eat healthier- rethink what I was putting into my body. I wouldn’t say it was a New Years resolution because I’ve actually been sticking to it. Rather, it was a promise I made to myself. Secretly, It was a way for me to feel in control of my life.
The first Tour de France of university had left me lethargic and out of touch. I had/have no idea what to do with my life, and the constant pressure from peers and professors to find my calling AND be amazing at it was a hard slap in the face.
I felt out of control of not only my life, but my thoughts which were dominated -at that time-by an intense hatred for journalism and all other responsibility.
So, back to the shake.
I wasn’t upset at myself for drinking the shake, I was upset that I had lost control. That I hadn’t had the discipline to say no.
So last night, as I happily stuffed my face with two slices of cake, I thought to myself: why did I order the shake? Why am I eating this cake?
The answer was looking at me in the mirror (not really, this just sounds really dramatic). It was because I didn’t want to be judged.
I didn’t want to be the party pooper: the one who eats a baked potato instead of french fries. Nor be the one who doesn’t eat fast food- or food in general.
I had decided to indulge in a cup of sugar for the basic benefit of social acceptance.
I don’t blame my friends for this. Neither do I blame myself. There is really no one to blame.
Yet this chocolate shake has left me with heartburn and one question: how are we going to have healthy relationships with food if we are criticized on both sides of the spectrum- eating too much or not eating enough?
I can say I’ve been both a victim and a culprit in the war against food. The politicization of breakfast, lunch and diner has left nothing but a bad taste in my mouth.
PS- I’m such a rambler, but to be frank, I’m just trying to avoid doing homework.
Really wish I was at a Super Bowl party! GO WHATEVER TEAM IS CURRENTLY WINNING!